Being single is great…until you’re alone. As a single parent we have to give enough love for two parents, but we don’t always have love pouring into us from an earthly source. One of the main things people think about when love comes to mind is sex or sensual desires. Let’s talk about “love life” after the big break up.
I never expected to be a single parent I always thought I would have the “ideal family”; a loving two parent household. After ending it with Mike I was happy, but I wasn’t healed. I had to grief the death of my ideas of what I thought my life would be like for me and Theo.
After the break up, I became celibate. Not really because of God at the time, but because the idea of having sex with someone else while pregnant worried me. I felt very alone and after giving birth to Theo I was somehow more lonely. I heard someone say if you know the lord, you can never be lonely. Then I recalled being told that if I ever want to know God I should read the four gospels. It wasn’t until I began to read Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John that I began to understand God.
Understanding how God loves, helped to heal spiritual loneliness; it healed my grief and reminded me that there is better waiting. However there was still apart that wanted someone here on earth to be “the one” right now. It was then, an old ex- started to contact me. He invited me out and after meeting up disclosed that he wanted to have sex. I wasn’t strong in the lord yet, but I knew that doing that would have began the cycle again. It wasn’t easy to deny my flesh but I managed. After brushing off that temptation like a champ, it got harder to resist.
As I grew more and more in God’s spirit, the hurdles got more difficult. Again I was invited out by someone who I flirted with growing up but never had an encounter with sexually. It was difficult because we had sexual tension but I figured if I am ever going to get married I would have to be able to overcome temptation and be around the person.
However the tension was too much for me and though I was able to deny my flesh again; the kiss he gave me left me lusting for weeks. So what do we do when we want to quail the flesh?
I originally would try to go to sleep, but eventually that would fail me. One day I read “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7 NIV. I figured ‘well if I want things to go well in my life especially during this crucial time of having a young baby with Mike and his family harassing me I should probably be motivated not to sin to save my son’. I figured that the passage meant that if I don’t sin, the devil can’t come for me. (I now know that it meant resisting the devil allows you to live freely in Christ because sin isn’t able to come between your relationship with God, but from my infantile understanding I will proceed) Although Theo is a great motivation, I needed more tools to resist sin.
“Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.” Psalms 97:10 NIV
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” Romans 12:9 NIV
I began to realize to not do the sin, I had to hate it. I had to hate the sin and love God more so that I would be able to resist immoral and unclean sexual acts/thoughts. Now sex in itself should not be hated, but sex outside of marriage should not be approved of by any means. I started to hate the idea of sex without marriage and eventually I couldn’t be tempted in this way because marrageless sex wasn’t appealing anymore. Now a God given marriage is what I require before I could decide to turn on the faucet of love. However flesh is still flesh and there is still the general state of sexual desire. So what then?
Jesus said ““Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.””
Matthew 26:41 NIV
Which brings be back to:
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 KJV
Praise God through any temptation, worship through every weakness. His love and power strengthens you, and this strengthens your spiritual muscle. It also helps to remember that you are not alone in this journey.
“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.”
1 Peter 5:8-9 NIV
Join me again next week to discuss having support as a single parent in Christ.
Coparenting As A Single Mom In Christ 