The Dad (Our Start To Restart)

As with any juicy story, when the juice starts to spill it can get messy. So I’m going to explain this without displeasing God with gossiping, and stick with the necessary details that will help give context for future posts. “God beer me strength” (The Office reference, stated by Jim lol).

Going from meeting at a party to sitting on the floor of a closed basketball court in the middle of the night, Mike and I realized we had a lot in common. We both enjoyed sports, video games, and the same shows. This caused us to start spending more time with each other outside of sex and eventually lead us to our “official” relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend.

Despite our many similarities, Mike and I had important differences. We both wanted to grow in Christ to be better Christians, but we had different ways of going about it. I was trying not to party anymore, but Mike felt like partying would have no effect on our relationship with each other or God. God was telling me at that time that we wouldn’t work out. However, I had not been strong enough yet to choose God over a man and I allowed myself to be swayed into daily drinking and partying.

Many of our outings ended up in an argument. This would be due to me seeing him hugging someone below the waist, being to close to an old ex, girls jumping on him, etc. I wouldn’t be as bothered if I were sober, but at times when drunk I would wait until we got to the car and the arguments would begin.

I have never been a “violent drunk” and no one else has ever told me I caused them or anyone else harm while under the influence. However after an outing with Mike, he told me that I started pushing him, not really causing him physical harm, but he sustained emotional trauma. I am not sure of the context or the full story as to why I felt the need to do become physical, but I started to request that we do things outside of drinking.

Mike agreed to take me on real dates with no avail despite me also planning them as well. On the nights of our rollerblading date for example or chill night he would say that we were invited out to happy hour, drunken game night, or a party. I started to realize that the only way to spend time with Mike was to go out with him and so the cycle resumed. I didn’t get violent again, but I was hardly sober. Our happy, drunk relationship was becoming a bitter, something-ship and I couldn’t even see what was happening.

Now for the sake of keeping the post short and not engaging in gossip, I didn’t mention many things. Our relationship was not always angry and drunk, we weren’t as wild as the condensed story portrays. Normally we were sober in the day time of the weekdays and maybe two to four times some week nights we stayed home. I would watch him play video games, do homework, or we would watch our shows. It would also be when we would have intentionally heart to heart conversations of our needs. I would turn the LED lights blue and maybe light a candle and we would lay there and talk about everything and anything.

Then the turning point came.. Mike went on a family (his parents and siblings) trip for a week without me and came home seeming a little different. When I asked him about the change in demeanor, he would say everything is okay. For about two weeks of “being okay”, Mike was leaving me on read and not communicating with me. During this weird time my coping mechanism was to dye my hair and get a tattoo. Days after that he finally told me he wanted to have a break from our relationship.

I made it clear that if he wanted to break up that I would be okay with that, stating “I know that you can grow without me and can be happier without me, and that is okay”. Being completely genuine, I made it clear that we could have a clean break. However he insisted that all he needed was a break and not a break up. In the moment I said okay but after reflecting on everything though our relationship I reluctantly decided that we should just end it. After realizing that I wasn’t really being dated, especially in those two weeks of being ignored, left alone, and not having anyone while I was dealing with a death of a friend, school stress, and a rift with my brother I decided that I didn’t need a break I should just be alone.

Again for the sake of not gossiping I won’t go into details, but as people do when breaking up, we did our own thing. Only to find out a week later that I was 7 weeks pregnant (a month and 3 weeks). In the next post I will be publishing the last backstory and getting into parenting single with Christ.