Feeling like Job

Theodore was born as COVID was closing down America in 2020. Since no one knew how to deal with COVID, I had to chose between my mother or his dad being with me in the hospital for his birth. During this time where I thought the pains of pregnancy ends, a new torment began.

After throwing up from pain, I decided that a natural birth without medication was not going to happen. I received an amazing epidural, despite having a rare reaction of severely itchy and burning skin. My mom was present with me as the nurses were holding me down trying to cover my face with a mask during active pushing. After 15 hours of labor God’s gift was laying on my chest, and my mother was FaceTiming Mike. My mom doing her best with her lack of technical knowledge, she was showing Mike the process of the afterbirth instead of flipping the camera to show him Theodore.

To backtrack a little, between the second break up at 7 months and the birth day of Theodore, Mike was showing his true colors (many of which were varying shades of evil). Even though he was causing me pain mentally and emotionally, I was still considering him to be present for the birth and the following three days in the hospital. I thank God that that my mom was the only one the hospital allowed in with me. Less than 10 hours of birthing Theodore, Mike was starting he would be on his way with a paternity test. After 9 months of emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical damage, his statement began to take away from what was supposed to be my moment of overcoming the many obstacles of pregnancy and celebration. Mike and I did talk about getting a paternity test earlier in the pregnancy (even though the obstetrician told us that I was already over a month pregnant at the time of our break up), but I didn’t expect it to be his first words after having hard labor.

Mike was hounding me for an immediate paternity test, I was tired not just from this pressure but I was now in mommy mode. I was taking care of a new baby and myself, both of whom were very needy. While waiting to be discharged from the hospital, Mike was still at his parties despite COVID and was supposed to see us the day we got out of the hospital. When he visited he was disrespectful to me and my parents and was being rough with Theodore.

Mike was becoming more aggressive about the paternity test and more aggressive towards me. He would say he knows Theodore is his child but he just wants piece of mind. We scheduled for Mike to come with a swab on Monday, a few days after Theo and I were released from the hospital, but God had different plans. Theo was rushed to the hospital after his first doctor’s appointment that Monday morning. I made Mike aware of the hospitalization, but he was more concerned with the test. Only asking when he’ll be able to do the paternity test instead of asking what happened to Theodore.

Theo was admitted into the hospital with an expected release of two days. Soon the doctors were concerned with his heart murmur, kidneys, liver, lungs, infection, and mental function. Despite the stress of not being allowed to spend the nights with Theodore for the first 5 days, waking up during those 5 days at 6am to be at the hospital from 7am-7pm during this scary time of COVID, taking final exams in the nursing program, my deteriorating health due to self neglect, and everything else Mike still managed to hound me about a paternity test. Him constantly saying that he knows he’s the father, put the test on the back burner for me and also proved that I wouldn’t have the support Theo and I would need during this time. Eventually after realizing that Theodore would need to spend an extended period in the hospital, the hospital gave us a room that we stayed in for 16 days. This was God giving us time away from Mike.

Looking back to that time I know now that I began to feel kind of like Job. I wasn’t anywhere near Jobs righteousness in God and I didn’t lose everything like Job, but I had the same questions as Job. Job question was “can I complain in peace?”. Job lost everything and gained a painful leprosy, he was in torment and his friends told him it’s because he was a sinner. Job complained about his pain but never cussed God, and his friends would tell him not to complain. As I was experiencing this unexpected hospitalization and constant arguing with Mike, I would complain to my mom. She sounded a lot like Job’s friends.

So next week I will answer Job’s question, can I complain in peace?